Redemptive Violence?

"Today the world is on the brink of ruin because the Church refuses to be the Church, because we Christians have been deceiving ourselves and the non-Christian world about the truth of Christ. There is no way to follow Christ, to love as Christ loved, and simultaneously to kill other people. It is a lie to say that the spirit that moves the trigger of a flamethrower is the Holy Spirit. It is a lie to say that learning to kill is learning to be Christ-like. It is a lie to say that learning to drive a bayonet into the heart of another is motivated from having put on the mind of Christ. Militarized Christianity is a lie. It is radically out of conformity with the teaching, life, and spirit of Jesus."

- Father George Zabelka

This man, Father Zabelka, was the man that prayed a blessing over the men who dropped the atomic bombs over Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Over the next twenty years he began to think that this may have been a mistake and went against the Gospel of Jesus. This quote was taken from a speech he gave on the 40th anniversary of the bombings.

Just food for thought. How can we wage war and still claim to follow the teachings of Christ?

How is that loving your enemy?

Let Downs

My plans for Oregon in December have fallen though.

Erik said that we should try to get a bunch of people to help get me there. I took this to mean that I should get donations. I mean it's for a good cause, right?

Maybe I'll make a website.

Scratch that. I'm not tech saavy enough.

I'll go to the streets and beg. I want to be in Oregon oh so badly

Now Taking Applications

So I loved A Million Miles in a Thousand Years so much that I decided to go back and read all of Donald Miller's books. And I started at the beginning. Through Painted Deserts. There were a couple of reasons that I decided to reread this one first. I mean I definitely picked it because I love road trip books and road trips themselves. And the other reason I picked it is because I've had moving and leaving on my mind a lot recently. Donald Miller is from Texas. Just like me. And he takes off on a journey with his buddy, Paul. to the Grand Canyon and ultimately to Oregon. I think my life is beginning to look eerily like his. I, too, am feeling the call to Oregon (see my last blog). After working there this summer, I see myself living out the rest of my days there. But that's besides the point.

I am a single man. I have been all my life. I think about having a girlfriend quite a bit. Probably too much to be honest. And I think about marriage and living my life with a woman for a large part of my life. I guess all guys do to an extent. Again, I may do this more than others. I'm a romantic. I guess it's in my genes.

So I'm reading Through Painted Deserts and Don asks his friend, Paul, what he wants in a girl. They're driving through Oklahoma at the time. And Paul's response mirrors exactly what I want in my lady. Here's what he says:

"I guess I'm looking for what any guy is looking for. I want a companion, you know. Just someone to share life with. I want her to be my biggest fan and I want to be her biggest fan too. I want us to raise kids in a home where they know their parents are in love with each other and with them. I guess that's all I want."

It's all I want as well. I just want someone I can enjoy the pleasures of life with. I'm just waiting for her to get her act together and come find me! Haha!

...kidding

The Dream

So last night we had a huge Mexican Fiesta over here at Mac 1048. It was a lot of fun. There were like six of us in our tiny little kitchen making beans, rice, tortillas, and other taco/burrito stuff. It was a wonderful time filled with friends, food, and great times. We watched a documentary called Jesus Camp which I could write a whole blog about. Maybe another time.

But as we were all cooking the subject of Portland came up. Right now there are five of us, myself included, that are seriously considering Oregon as the next step in our journey after we graduate. And the five of us all happened to be in the kitchen at that time. So Daniel, Leah, John, Anna, and I were all sitting there dreaming of Oregon and talking about all the things we would do there. Daniel and I talked about getting jobs and about the possibility of me crashing at one of my camp friend's houses until I was making money and going to seminary and such.

Well Daniel and I began talking about ministry in Portland. I know from experience, that it is screaming for God. It is a wonderful place that's for sure, but it is also a very secular place. A place crying out for change. For revival. And I was talking about what I thought God was calling me to. And the answer for me has always been, "I'm not sure yet. I'm waiting to see what He nails down for me." I think I may have been given a glimpse last night. Daniel began talking about he and I getting jobs with the City of Portland. Possibly in Human Resources so we can really get a feel for what the people of Portland need and how they act. Then he said that maybe we could use this experience to start a ministry to meet the needs that we realize need to be met.

And I realize that all of this is hypothetical and none of it is set in stone at all, but I got really excited. More excited than I've been in a long long time. And my soul was bursting with joy and happiness at this thought. It's what I want to do. I desire this. I long for it. I wanted to just go run to my car and drive to Oregon at that moment. And I think that God intended for that conversation to take place. I think that I got a taste of what He has for me. Because, like I said, nothing has ever gotten me that excited and pumped before.

I'm very excited to see what God has in store for me.

For you.

For us.

It's a scary thought, but also one that brings thoughts of adventure and forging new paths. It's exciting. I can't wait to be on my way.

Jumping Off a Dock to Say Goodbye

I want to write a better story. Donald Miller has inspired me once again. He's changed the way that I think and the way that I view this life that I have been blessed with. I want to begin to do bigger things. Things that have meaning. Things that change me in the process.

Mac 1048

So I'm back a OBU and I am currently sitting in my apartment enjoying the wonderful wireless internet that the school has graciously provided. I'm also listening to this new Sherwood EP which just makes me very very happy. Great way to start the morning. You should try it sometime.

I am thrilled to be back at school! Finally seeing everyone after a summer on the West Coast has been nice. I forgot how much I loved all of them. Everything has been taken care of financially and such which is a huge blessing. I always get very stressed about that at the start of a new semester. I'm not entirely sure why. And get to keep my job! Which is also not a bad thing. I'm gonna need moneys in order to survive this semester. That will be the one thing that will take some getting used to. Buying my own food and being in charge feeding myself. I will miss the ARA for that much. But it'll be good too. I feel more independent living in an apartment. It just puts me one step closer to being on my own for good. Which is scary and exciting at the same time.

Today's my last day of freedom. I will do the best that I can to make the most of it.

Peace to all of you

Heaven Songs

I am in exile, a sojourner

A citizen of some other place

All I've seen is just a glimmer in a shadowy mirror

But I know, one day we'll see face to face

I am a nomad, a wanderer

I have nowhere to lay my head down

There's no point in putting roots too deep when I'm moving on

Not settling for this unsettling town

My heart is filled with songs of forever

The city that endures when all is made new

I know I don't belong here, I'll never

Call this place my home, I'm just passing through

I am a pilgrim, a voyager

I wont rest until my lips touch the shore

Of the land that I've been longing for as long as I've lived

Where there'll be no pain or tears anymore

My heart is filled with songs of forever

The city that endures when all is made new

I know I don't belong here, I'll never

Call this place my home, I'm just passing through

- In Exile by Thrice

More Dustin Kensrue lyrics. The man knows how to write a good song. I love that this song is about heaven, and how earth is not our home. We're just travelers passing through. This song is filled with hope and longing. I love it. Heaven is only years away. I yearn for heaven the same way that the song does

Go to their Myspace (www.myspace.com/thrice) and listen to this song. It's wonderful

I'll Go Crawling Back to the City I Love

Well it's taken me a week of feeling depressed and discontent to finally start enjoying being home. I'm ashamed of myself for taking this long, but when you really love something it's hard to let it go. My love right now is camp. And right now they're just getting started on the first day of their last week. It's hard not to not want to be there.

But luckily I went to church yesterday. And while the music was great and the sermon was decent, that wasn't what made me happy. I got to see old friends. Friends I hadn't seen all summer. Friends I was losing touch with. That made me so happy...just seeing them. It was nice catching up and making plans for this week to hang out. At least it'll give me something to do. If I can find a good distraction then my mind won't be focused on camp 24/7 like it has been. Which is probably a good thing. I mean don't get me wrong. I love camp, but I need to focus again on things I have to get done here. I'm headed back to school in five days. I need to get prepared for that. And there's been something of a huge blow to my family that no one saw coming, and has been hard to deal with. And that needs my attention as well.

So, I'm learning to be content with where I am. I can't be at camp all year long (although I'd like to be). I need to finish my degree and then maybe I can have some fun in the Portland area. That's my plan anyway. But for now I'm in Borger. And I will enjoy it! Haha

P.S. Good Old War? They should be your new favorite band

Settling In Is Such An Uncomfortable Feeling

So I've been home now for five days.

And I'm missing camp a lot. Cheery keeps posting pictures of what everyone is doing and it only makes me miss it more. I desperately want to be back there. I miss the people, the kids, the energy, the atmosphere, the worship, the...everything. I miss my bros as well. Tonka, Scooby, and Spork especially. There are some ladies that I wouldn't mind seeing as well. Haha!

I think the thing that makes it the most difficult is that I'm doing nothing right now. I'm sitting on my Dad's couch and have been pretty much all day. My social life is non existent and I'm about as rested as I'll ever be. I've become used to having such a rigidly planned out day. I always had to do something at camp, no matter what time of day it was. I miss that structure. I miss never being taskless. I function better when I have a list of things that I need to have accomplished by the end of the day. The camp atmosphere is perfect for me. I was better focused while I was there. Now all I'm doing is watching TV and wasting my life on Facebook. I've become a slave again. Help?!

Ok, enough drowning in sorrows. There is some positive news to report. Daniel, Dillon, and Aaron came in to visit/watch Switchfoot yesterday! It so good to see them! Even if it was for only like nine hours. I've missed them so much. And what better way to reunite than under the Texas night sky jamming to a very very good band? I can think of nothing better. And good times were had by all. Aaron had to be back to study Physics (yeah..I know) so they left 3:30 AM. It was a crazy night, but it was a lot of fun. Only nine more days til I get to see them. I'm stoked.

Well that's all for now. More later

Donald Millerland

Hello all!

It has been over half a year since I last wrote on here. That is sad. I'm going to try to change that. Keep everyone updated on life.

So I spent my summer 30 minutes from Portland, Oregon at a place called Trout Creek Bible Camp. God blessed me in tremendous ways while I was there.

I experienced some incredible anxiety before I got there. I was worried about everything from getting stranded in an airport to wondering if I would make any friends. But luckily God really calmed me down as I was leaving Amarillo for Las Vegas.

I spent my first night in a hotel far from anything remotely close to being called Portland-esque. All the cool stuff was very far away. So I watched TV and desperately tried to get a hold of Anna Pruitt, as she was my ride to camp the next day. I might have been freaking out a little bit. Haha!

But on June 6th, 2009 I arrived at Trout Creek Bible Camp...and immediately felt like the new guy. Everybody that was there was hugging each other and so glad to see each other, and I stood there like an idiot. I was so nervous and felt completely out of place. Anna knew some of the people there, but that didn't help me out too much. Luckily I had a great Counselor Dean in the form of Fidgit. He was so incredibly kind and checked up on me throughout staff training week to make sure that I was doing alright. I will be forever grateful to him for that.

I made a few friends during that week. I really got to know a guy named Crash. We bonded over our love for Thrice/Dustin Kensrue. He also helped me out a lot during that week. I clung to him so much, and he didn't seem to mind. I also really got to know one of the CIT's (Counselor in Training), Bam Bam. It was his first year so we had that in common. He became one of my closest friends out in Oregon. We even got to do Adventure Club together, which was fun. Anna was in that as well.

But that week we learned everything from leading campers to Christ to dealing with bed wetters and home sickness. It was a whirlwind week and before I knew it I was counseling. And counseling has been quite the adventure. I've always had periods in my life where I feel like I'm good with kids, and other times I feel like no kid will ever like me because I tend to appear intimidating to them. So it was good to have a summer where I was working with kids basically 24/7. And luckily, I was shown that, hey, I am good with kids after all! It was nice to have that cleared up and it really excites me for apartment ministry at OBU in the Fall.

Like I said, hanging out with kids and showing them the love of Christ was an absolute blast. I had really good guys for the most part. I had eight groups of kids throughout the summer and they all taught me something new. I can honestly say that. My only challenging camper was named Zak and he cussed, fought, disobeyed, and was disrespectful to everyone. He was the one that was hard to love throughout the week. I would catch myself sometimes being intentionally rude back to him, and would have to take a moment, collect myself, and correct that attitude. But it was hard. I don't do well with disrespectful kids. But most of my guys weren't like that at all. They were kind, open-hearted, and obedient which I really appreciated. I got to really love on them and share God's Word with them. It was an absolute blast!

The last two weeks that I was there were rough. For a couple of reasons. One, I was really starting to realize that my time at camp was coming to an end, and that was rough. I was and wasn't ready to leave all at the same time. It was hard to leave my friends there (yes I finally did make some very good ones). You just get so used to seeing these people everyday, and it's weird when that is taken away. And secondly, Satan really began to attack us. There was an intense heat wave that struck the Portland area the second to last week that I was there. Temperatures got up into the triple digits. And Oregonians don't know how to handle heat. Most of them don't have air conditioning in their houses because it normally doesn't get that hot. So the kids that came that week didn't really know the importance of keeping yourself hydrated. So we lost about 30 kids that week. Then as the weekend approached, a stomach bug came through and that lasted all the way up until my last days at camp. We had campers and staff go home all week.

Although it was hard to deal with that, it was also an encouragement because it just means that Satan is very scared of the work that we were doing. He was trying to throw everything he could at us. And we still had about 30 kids come to know Jesus that week, which was awesome!

And then, three days ago, I had to say goodbye. My friends Tonka, Spork, Geronimo, and Scooby dropped me off at the airport and I headed back to Texas. It was a really tough goodbye. I was ready to see my family for sure, but I didn't want to leave them. They've all been so encouraging to me this summer, and helped push and grow my faith. It's been wonderful. The only thing that kept me from spiraling into a deep depression was knowing that I will more than likely get to see them in December. I am so stoked for that!

But anyways, that was a brief summary of my summer in Oregon. If you made it this far then you are a true hero. I hope you've all had summers full of friends, fun, and growth!