The Brilliance of Mark 13 and Dr. Kelly

So I learned something today that I knew I needed to share.

Have I mentioned how amazing my Life of Christ class is?

It's possibly the best course I've ever taken. Dr. Kelly is a god among men when it comes to knowing the Gospels. You know what? In the context of what I'm writing about that doesn't sound so good. I promise I'm not an idolator. The man just really knows his stuff, and I look up to him alot.

Anyways we've been talking about Passion Week these past few weeks and we're leading up to the crucifixion of Christ.

Today, we talked about the first part of Mark 13 which includes Jesus talking about the signs of the end of the age.  This, apparently, is one of the most widely misinterpreted passages of Scripture. 

It is in this passage that Jesus speaks of false teachers

and wars

and natural disasters

and persecution

and the gospel being preached to all nations.

And many people interpret this to mean signs for the 2nd coming of Christ, and this is absolutely wrong. Most people leave out the first part of the chapter which says this:

As he was leaving the temple, one of his disciples said to him, "Look, Teacher! What massive stones! What magnificent buildings!"

 "Do you see all these great buildings?" replied Jesus. "Not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down."

 As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives opposite the temple, Peter, James, John and Andrew asked him privately, "Tell us, when will these things happen? And what will be the sign that they are all about to be fulfilled?" (Mark 13:1-4)

And it is right after these verses that Jesus goes into the description of the signs of the end. But it isn't the end of the world.  Jesus is talking about the end of the temple.  It is the temple that will be destroyed and not the world. So many people today are looking at these passages and trying to apply them to 2008 and it simply does not make sense.  These things all happened before AD 70 because that is when the temple finally is destroyed.

I know that's a lot to take in, but it's not my point. Sorry.

I'm sure you were hoping for the end. haha!

I want to focus on the preaching the gospel to the ends of the earth bit.

I love my youth pastor, Jason. And he talks all the time about this particular passage and I used to agree with him.  He would say that he believed whole heartedly that once the gospel was preached to all the world, Jesus would finally come back. But after my lecture today I must choose to disagree with him.

Do I want to serve a god that is dependant on my actions?

Because when we say that Jesus won't come back until the gospel is preached to the ends of the earth, we're basically putting ourselves into a seat of power.  What we do when we say that is we put God on the sidelines.  It's as if he is twiddling his thumbs waiting to act until we've done our part. Is this right? Do I want my God  to be like this?

NO NO NO!

My God can come back at any moment. My God has absolute power and authority and can act regardless of my actions on earth. He doesn't wait for my approval. He is mighty. 

Now don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean I'm saying stop telling people about Jesus, because I'm not. I'm only saying that to have that mindset is wrong. To say that God is waiting on us takes away from his power.

Just some food for thought...

PS - Anathallo. Look them up. Especially their album Floating World. It's epic

Long Time. No See. Me Love You Long Time

Wow, so it's been a while eh?

Life's been crazy these past few months and it seems like this blog was always that last thing on my mind.  School's going great! I'm enrolled in some great classes right now and have been learning alot. My Life of Christ class is probably my favorite. Dr. Kelly is so amazing and I feel God speaking something new to me every time I go to that class. It's incredible.  I'm also in Hebrew I which is incredibly hard, but I'm making it.  I'm shooting for a high C/low B in there.  It's also very rewarding though and it's really giving some of the Old Testament passages new life in my mind.

But the real intent of this blog isn't really to update on life. Well, maybe to an extent but it's more of a way to address a real issue I'm dealing with at the moment.

I feel very far from God.

I was on my Myspace last night and I was reading some of my old blogs from high school and I started to get really sad and upset.  I sought after God with all my heart in high school. Sure, I was never perfect but the desire to get there was always present.  I was active in church and spent time (almost) daily in God's Word.  And since I've been away at school I've drifted from that. I've turned into the one thing I feared the most - someone who thinks that because they go to a Christian college, they are somehow exempt from participating in God's work around them.  I only go to church about once a month and my quiet times are few and far between.  It's as if I treat my religion classes as church. Like I'm being fed the same way there as I would be on a Sunday morning.  And in some cases that may hold some truth, but for the most part it's complete crap. I'm disappointed in myself and honestly I'm also disgusted. 

What happened?

Where did I go?

Who did I turn into?

Why am I so cynical and complacent in the place I am?

When am I going to realize that I'm supposed to be giving more of myself than I am?

I think the answer to that last one is - NOW!

My sister, being the wise girl she is, told me to look up Isaiah 40:28-31. And I think anyone feeling like I am should go read it and ponder it. Thanks Anna! You really knocked some sense into me with your words. I needed that

So I'm going to change. It's as simple as that.

I'm done with being selfish and I'm done with giving other things priority over God.

I've been down that path and it only leads to losing yourself.

There's a great church called Heritage and I love it every time I go. I'm going to start making it a regular part of my week. I'm not sure what ministries it offers but I'm also going to find something I can get involved in. If there's nothing there then I'll play with little kids with my sister and Sarah Disch. They're always telling me I should go...I think it's time I took them up on that offer.

I read something by a friend of mine that applies heavily here:

I’m so tired of the things of this world.
Constantly encroaching on my often too willing mind; my insides are shivering.

I’m missing God in my breath. But I exhale anyway.

I’m always looking backwards with Him right in front of me… I run right into Him, startled. 
How sad He must be…yet so in love with me, still.

What a King…

Niki Bryan sure has a way with words.

I hope you read this someday, Niki, and know how much I enjoy your writing. It hits me when I need to be hit.

But I'm making changes. Know that. Don't give up on me, loved ones. I know I'm messed up right now, but please never give up on me. I need your love and support more than you could ever know. I'm working to be a person you can be proud of. I love you all :)

P.S. Go listen to William Fitzsimmons. He's great to having playing in the background when you're writing. Plus he just writes good songs that have alot of heart in them.

Oh Those Country Churches!

Wow, so today Pops and I decided to try out a little country church that his boss/friend told him about. Apparently he and his wife just started going there, and said that we might like it.

I hate to say it, but this was the first time I've been to church with my dad the entire time I've been out here at the ranch. I think that that's reflected in my poor spiritual life as of late. Not to say that church is the only important part of my relationship with God, but it sure does play a part. We thrive in community. I believe this with all my heart, but lately I've been searching for community outside the church. Whether it be with friends or at work or whatever, I have almost shunned the church entirely. I have such a hard time being there sometimes. But Donald Miller says something interesting about church. He says that that's the real place where we learn to love other people and I'm thinking that he has a real valid point. I'm commanded to love those around me like Christ did, and what better place to do that then the church? There are some people that are hard to tolerate in church, let alone love. So it really is a learning experience and a growing experience.

Anyways, all that to say that it's been a while since I've been in church and I had some reservations about it.

Well, this place was seriously out in the country.
Part of the directions were that we'd hear banjoes and hillbilly music as we got closer. And I could've sworn that I heard some faint yodeling and washboard percussion. But I'm not sure. There were also like a parade of country animals on the roads. We saw deer, cows, wild turkeys, and roadrunners all over the roads. It was nuts!

But we finally made it and it really is the perfect picture of "country church." Like when you imagine a country church, this is the mental picture that pops into your mind. There were only like 12 people there, but it was actually really good. The message was good and the people were friendly. I could ask for nothing more.

But yeah...don't give up on church and on the people there.
We were created for community, especially community where we come together to worship and praise the one true God. I think I lost sight of that, but...lesson learned. haha

Typical

So yesterday I had something of a traumatic experience.

I few days ago we had a tire go out on the riding mower here at the ranch, so yesterday we took it with us into town to get it checked out. Well, Dad was at work so he sent me to get it looked at. When I got there they sent me to the back where the shop was and had one of their guys look at it.

So the guy was fiddling around with it had he said that it looked like the tire was too big for the rim. I told him that I didn't know anything about that tire, since it's not our mower and everything. So he says that maybe it's not. (Turns out it was)

So he tries to air it up. First they blast it with this stuff, I don't even know what but it gets the tire back into the rim. Then he begins to actually air it up. Well he goes for a while, and then suddenly the tire explodes! And it explodes in his face! I'm standing about 10 feet away so it didn't do anything to me, but he's jacked up. He's bleeding from around his eye and it looked like he had a pretty good gash on his hand. I couldn't believe it. I just stood there with my jaw on the floor. They had to rush this poor guy to the hospital! I've never felt worse in my entire life. And I know that technically it wasn't my fault, but I feel bad because it was my tire that he was looking and had I known more about it, it might have prevented this unfortunate accident.

Anyways, they politely asked me to leave and I noticed, as I drove by later, that the car they had taken him to the hospital in was back so I'm guessing that he's ok and his injuries were minor.

But man was it an ordeal.
I seriously can't stop thinking about it. I feel terrible.
I could use some cheering up

PS - Happy birthday Mom and Anna!

Oh the joy of being home!

I got to go home this past weekend for 4th of July and my mom and sister's birthdays. For those that don't know, they happen to be on the same day...weird right? They were both born on July 10th. But they're at camp this week so we celebrated early. haha

It was so nice being home. Words can't really even begin to describe.
Now don't get me wrong...I've really loved living at this huge ranch and getting to spend time with my dad, but I've missed being with my friends so much. It gets really lonely out here sometimes and it's been great to have some time with those that mean a whole lot to me.

So Wednesday when I got home I imediately headed over to Trever's house. He's one of my best friends and we chilled and played some Rock Band. He needs alot of prayer folks. He's been through alot this past year, and I think more than anything he's having a hard time forgiving himself. He feels that he's beyond forgiveness and can't change his ways. I know this isn't true and I pray that God would make that real to him this week at camp. Please be praying for him.

Thursday I went and saw Hancock (don't waste your money). I also got to spend some time with Courtney. I haven't done that in a very long time and I really enjoyed it. We just watch America's Best Dance Crew...which is actually a really good show. It's the only thing I watch on MTV. haha!

Now 4th of July was kinda lame. Since our whole family was getting together on Saturday, we didn't do anything for America Day. But I did get to watch Be Kind Rewind with Courtney and that was awesome! One because I got to hang out with her some more, and two because that movie is just great. I highly recommend this one, guys. Go out and buy it! Oh, but we did throw my sister a surprise party and that was alot of fun. She didn't expect it at all. It was a good chance to hang out with her and her friends...most of whom I don't know very well. Plus Disch was in the States! It was so unexpected, but I was glad we were able to text for a little while. I miss her :(

And Saturday was the big day. WONDERLAND PARK!!! It's the best amusement park ever. And it's been a family tradition to go there for the July birthdays for as long as I can remember. If you're ever in the Amarillo area, you should go. Plus they're almost done building three new rides. They haven't built new rides in years and years. It's so much fun.

So that's the weekend in a nutshell. Sunday, I headed back to isolation. haha
Please be praying for the lonliness. It's getting harder and harder to deal with. I could definitely use it.

Apparently I'm really in the mood to write...and ponder lyrics

I don't know if you've heard of Dustin Kensrue, but you need to go get his CD right now.He's the lead singer of Thrice, but he put out a solo album a year or two ago.

Anyways, he's an incredible man of God and often alludes to passages of Scripture in his songs. He has a song called Please Come Home and it's based upon the parable of the prodigal son, but it's written from the perspective of the father in the story, that father being God.

That chorus has been on my heart lately.

I've felt so cold and apathetic to the things of God, and I really feel like this summer is an opportunity for me to reconnect with my Father. I desperately need it. I'm crying out for it!

But here are the lyrics...and seriously, go listen to the actual song.

It's incredibly moving.

I still stand here waiting

with my eyes fixed on the road,

and I fight back tears and wonder

if you're ever coming home.

Don't you know son that I love you?

And I don't care where you've been.

Yes and I'll be right here waiting

'til you come around the bend.

And I run to you and hold you close,

Won't let go again.

So please come home

Those lyrics really get to me.

I feel that that is the exact message that God is sending to me.

So please pray that I can give up the things that have entangled me and drawn me away from Him. I need that closeness so much

Red Eye

Ask me I say I know
Oh it's sarcastic I take the show
Guess tonight I'm on my own

Cold rush in my veins
Oh I can't believe myself
Guess tonight I'm all alone

Now you're the only thing that keeps me moving here

So tonight, I'll take the Red Eye
I won't say goodnight, I won't tonight.

You say, please please don't go away
I'd beg if you'd ever stay
All those nights we've left alone

You wonder what I'll say
Oh, it's not worth it to lose someone
But tonight I'm on my own

Now you're the only thing that keeps me hanging on

So tonight, I'll take the Red Eye
I won't say goodnight, I won't tonight.
And tonight, I'll take the Red Eye
I won't say goodnight, I won't tonight.

Won't you stay with me a while?
I could never.
Won't you stay with me a while?
I could never.

So tonight, I'll take the Red Eye
I won't say goodnight, I won't tonight.

Cold rush to my veins,
Oh I can't believe myself
Wonder what I'll say
Oh it's not worth it to lose someone

- Ace Enders and a Million Different People

I really miss someone. I'll get to see her soon...maybe.
This song pretty accurately describes how I'm feeling right now.
I hope she decides to go. [I'm being discreet on purpose :) haha]

It's 4:30 somewhere!

Isn't that from some SNL skit?

I can't remember.
Anyways, It's been a while since I last wrote on here.
I need to update on life.

So last weekend Nathan and I ventured to Bentonville and Kansas City to see Dan, Leah, and Veronica. I also wanted to see Lauren. Nathan didn't know her so I can't include him in that. haha! The trip was so good. It was so good seeing friends again. This past month has literally felt like a year. I've never missed anything so much in my entire life. You need to go check out the pictures on Facebook if you haven't seen them already. I'm proud of my camera and the moments it was forever able to capture.

And then when I got back I was happy to find out that Dad and I get to continue living out here at the Bannings. We'd been wondering if we were gonna be able to stay because they were in last week and weren't very happy with how the place looked...which is bogus. I mean I'm not one to brag, but me and Dad did a pretty good job I thought. Dad got incredibly worried about it and kept talking about how we might move to Hinton and that he was looking at apartments. This wasn't helpful because then I got crazy worried about it. Geez...but it worked out alright! Answer to prayer right there.

Then on Monday I headed to Shawnee to FINALLY pay my swimming ticket. It's so nice to have that done and out of that way. It's been a big pain in my behind since it happened. I ran into Ashley and Lauren while I was there too, which was weird and funny at the same time...I'm not sure why. And then I met up with Scott in the city on ym way back and we watched the Incredible Hulk, which was great. But keep that on the down low...I haven't told Dad yet. I'm scared that he might be sad that I didn't wait to watch it with him.

Finally, yesterday, I started my second job out at Murray Services, which happens to be where Dad works. He got me the gig and I get to work out in the shop with him. It's been nice. The work isn't too hard, it's just the hours that wear me out. I haven't worked an 8 hour job since my sophomore year in high school, so I'm out of practice. I picked a good week to start working though! My boss bought all the guys breakfast yesterday and today he let us off two hours early with a full days pay, which apparently never happens. I'm pumped! It's the best job ever!!! Ok not really, but I like it at the moment.

So that's a snapshot of life for me at the moment. It's been nice and easy for the most part. Can't wait for the weekend though so I can see Anna and Mom! It'll be good

Anyways...Peace, Love, and Search The City

I pledge allegiance...blah, blah

So Jesus for President changed my life.

I feel like I should start with that. That book has shaped how I feel about this country and where it should stand when God is thrown in. Too many times the church wants to place country and God right next to each other. It's starting to bother me. So at the back of the book the authors have written a new pledge. It's super long, but I wanted to write just a bit of it because I think it's important to remember who has our allegiance first and foremost. This tiny bit may still be a little long. haha

Today we pledge our ultimate allegiance to the kingdom of God, we pledge allegiance.

To a peace that is not like Rome's, we pledge allegiance.

To the gospel of enemy-love, we pledge allegiance.

To the kingdom of the poor and broken, we pledge allegiance.

To a king who loves his enemies so much he died for them, we pledge allegiance.

To the least of these, with whom Christ dwells, we pledge allegiance.

To the transnational church that transcends the artificial borders of nations, we pledge allegiance.

To the refugee of Nazareth, we pledge allegiance.

To the homeless rabbi who had no place to lay his head, we pledge allegiance.

To the cross rather than the sword, we pledge allegiance.

To the banner of love above any flag, we pledge allegiance.

To the one who rules with a towel rather than an iron fist, we pledge allegiance.

To the one who rides a donkey rather than a war horse, we pledge allegiance.

To the revolution that sets both oppressed and oppressors free, we pledge allegiance.

To the way that leads to life, we pledge allegiance.

To the slaughtered Lamb, we pledge allegiance.

And together we proclaim his praises, from the margins of the empire to the centers of wealth and power.

Long live the slaughtered Lamb!

I long to live this life. I long to live a life that sees Jesus as the ultimate authority instead of America. May Pax Americana never take hold of my heart and my life. May they always be striving to please only you, Jesus

The (real) beginning to the summer

So here I am.
Back in Oklahoma. And to be honest I couldn't be happier. I've come to love it here. But to be honest, it think it's the closeness to friends and school that make it so loveable. I'm really excited about what this summer will hold for me. The work, the friends, the trips, the growth; I'm looking forward to it all. I really have a feeling that God is gonna use this time at Two Feathers Ranch to grow me and my dad together. The divorce has been hard on him, my sister and I. Luckily I've had a year closer to him, and we're doing much better, and I thank God for that, but there's still some work to be done. Yesterday was a good day. We just got to sit and talk at KFC, of all places, about God and life and whether Christians should kill and skepticism in the church and a bunch of other things. It was great and I enjoyed it very much and I think God is restoring a father and son to their prior relationship; before divorce was a part of the picture.

Things are really looking up. And for once in my life, I'm truly content with where I am. I'm usually looking off to some other point in my life, but I want to freeze right now. It's strange.

And, as you might be able to tell, I'm journaling again. I guess this is technically a blog, but I'll call it a journal. haha. It's been a long time since I've journaled so this will be another thing to add to the list of positive changes in my life. And props to Disch for kind of inspiring me to do this. You're a good friend!

Well, until next time...